


I'm Still Here

by rosepose



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cancer, Cancer Arc, Chemotherapy, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dan Howell/Original Female Character - Freeform, Dan Howell/Phil Lester - Freeform, Freeform, Hospitals, Leukemia, Multi, Phil Lester - Freeform, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6291871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosepose/pseuds/rosepose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's life is going pretty well. Great, actually. He's never been happier. What happens when things take a turn for the worst? Dan is diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. What will happen to him? What will happen to his relationship with his family, his friends,  Phil? Dan just wants things to go back to the way they were. But is it even possible to do so?</p><p>Watch the trailer <a class="embedly-card" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQV2dSNv190">HERE</a><br/>!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not A Good Day

Dan Howell hates hospitals. He hates waiting, too. Except, all you do in a hospital is wait, so he suddenly finds himself in a predicament. All he knows is that something might be wrong with him. Something that required him to have a “bone marrow biopsy.” He was somehow miraculously able to keep that from Phil. His side is still sore from it.

When the doctor comes in to speak with him, he stops his incessant tapping on the desk in front of him and gives her his attention.

“Mr. Howell?” The woman confirms, sitting in front of him and opening a folder.

Dan nods. “Yes,” he says, only becoming more nervous.

“I’m doctor Reynolds. I will be your doctor from now on.” Dan gives her a small, unconfident smile and is relieved by the fact that she doesn’t extend her hand to him in greeting. “We have the results of your biopsy.” She gives him a serious, yet sympathetic look. “Mr. Howell, I’m afraid you have stage I Acute Myeloid Leukemia.”

Dan’s stomach shifts, and he feels as if he might vomit. “W-what?” He can faintly hear the doctor talk to him about how leukemia is a cancer of the blood, and how he will need treatment soon. But there is only one thought running through his head: How will I tell Phil?

“Mr. Howell, I understand that this is a lot to take in, but your condition is not anything to make little of. I’d like to start treatment as soon as possible. I want to start prescribe you a few things right away to help with your symptoms.”

Dan is unable to move. He is struggling to speak. Finally, he looks up at the doctor, his eyes wide with fear and pleading for affirmation. He gulps. “Am I going to be okay?” he asks simply, his voice small and childlike.

Dr. Reynolds looks at him with sad eyes through her thin-rimmed spectacles. Her expression changes suddenly to one of caring and optimism, as if she can flip a switch. “We’ve caught it early, which is great. At this point, you have a good chance of survival.”

Dan shakes his head a moment, turning his gaze to the floor. He curses silently as the tears form in his eyes. He turns back to Dr. Reynolds, frowning. “But will I be okay?”

The woman tilts her head to the side, realizing what he’s asking. They sit there in silence a moment. She doesn’t offer an answer.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

 

As Dan arrives to the flat, a feeling a of dread overwhelms him. This is not happening. But it is. Shakily, he puts the key in the door and turns it, trying to be as quiet as possible. As far as Phil knows, he’s been out shopping all day. Dan isn’t sure if he even wants to tell Phil the news. 

“Dan?” Phil calls as Dan closes the door behind him.

Dan freezes in place, unsure of what to do. “Yeah, Phil, I’m home,” Dan replies, making his way into the lounge, trying his best to appear nonchalant. Phil is sitting on the sofa, probably editing, as his headphones are in and his eyes are glued to the screen of his laptop.

Phil looks up at Dan. “How was your day?”

“Uh, fine,” Dan says, looking at the floor. 

Phil frowns. “Are you feeling alright? Your voice sounds a little scratchy.”

Dan clears his throat. “I’m fine, Phil.”

“Alright,” Phil nods, turning his attention back to his screen. “What do you think of pizza for dinner?”

“I-I’m not really hungry,” Dan says.

Phil looks up quizzically before returning to his task. It isn’t like Dan to want to miss dinner. But he’s been doing it more often than usual. “Okay, more for me.”

Dan hurries to his room and shuts the door behind him. He tosses the pharmacy bag on the floor and kicks of his shoes, collapsing on top of his bed. Dan burrows under his duvet and takes a deep breath. To his dismay, it comes out as a whimper. Tears begin to well up in his eyes and he can’t take it. He wills himself into slumber, trying desperately to forget the events of today.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

Phil sighs as he removes the pizza from the microwave. He walks it over to Dan’s room and knocks on the door lightly. “Dan? Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t made a sound all evening.”

Dan’s eyes dart from his computer to the door. Shit. He closes all of his “leukemia” tabs in Chrome, opening Tumblr’s sign in page.“Yeah, Phil, I’m fine.” Phil opens the door slowly, as if to give Dan time to respond. But Dan only sighs. 

Phil raises the plate. “I saved some in case you’re hungry now.” Dan nods. Food is the last thing on his mind right now.

Dan watches as Phil sets the pizza on the bedside table. Dan’s heart races as he remembers he left the pharmacy bag on the floor. He winces as Phil’s gaze brushes over Dan’s room, his eyes inevitably locking onto the bag of pills he was prescribed. Phil tilts his head. “Did you go to the doctor today? Are you sick?”

Dan gulps. “Yeah, I’m sick, Phil.” At least it’s not a total lie.

“You could’ve told me Dan. You didn’t have to say you were fine.”

Dan nods, just wanting Phil to leave him alone. He has to tell him, though. And soon. A part of him wonders if he could just tell Phil now. If he would be able to do such a thing. Waiting isn't going to soften the blow. “I-I didn’t want you to worry or anything.”

Tomorrow, Dan decides, I’ll tell him tomorrow.

Phil goes to the door and pauses, turning to Dan. “Well, if you need anything, just yell, okay?”

Dan nods, letting out a deep breath when the door closes behind Phil. He feels wrong. All wrong. He’s never kept anything like this from Phil before. He never thought he’d have to. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone! I know this chapter is a bit short, but I promise there is lots more to come! Don't forget to comment and leave kudos and all of that fun stuff because it really makes my day. (And I've never gotten a comment on AO3 so let's see if you can be the first one.) Thanks so much for reading! This story is also on my Wattpad under the name articulaterosepose. Have a wonderful day! :)


	2. Raindrops and Teardrops

  
Dan awakes with a start. He had been dreaming about something, but he can’t remember what. When Dan turns to look out of the window, he is greeted with a pale gray sky. Rain pours from the clouds and cascades off the rooftops of London. Thunder roars and bursts of lighting brighten the dark sky. He shivers. Phil, he remembers. As if on cue, there is a knock on the door.

“Dan, you awake yet?”

Frowning, Dan glances at his phone. It’s almost eleven am. I couldn’t have slept for that long, right? “Uh, yeah, Phil, I’m awake.”

Phil opens the door, a plate in his hands., and makes his way to the bed. There are two mugs. “Good,” Phil says, “I made you some tea.”  
“Thanks, Phil,” Dan says, taking his mug. He appreciates the warmth of the hot drink on his hands, but doesn’t drink it.

Phil takes a sip from his own mug and sits on the edge of the bed. “How’re you feeling, Dan?”

Dan looks down at his coffee. “Better,” he lies.

Phil smiles, “That’s good, you’ll be fine.

No, I won’t. Dan traces the mouth of the mug absently with his finger, trying not to seem upset. “Yeah,” he says.

Phil frowns, “Are you okay?”

Dan nods, feeling terrible for continuing his lie. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he tries to smile at Phil.

Phil nods, frowning when he catches sight of Dan’s bare arm. “What is that bruise from?”

Dan follows Phil’s gaze and is horrified by the black and blue splotches that have formed on his upper arm. “I-I don’t know. They weren’t there yesterday.” The only thing he can think of is that he bumped into a wall yesterday. But how could that leave a bruise?

Phil’s eyes narrow. “That’s strange,” he says, his voice becoming slightly uneasy. “Dan, are you sure you’re feeling alright? In every aspect of the word?”

Dan has never felt guiltier in his life. But he does something he knows he may come to regret later. He says, “Yes, Phil, I’m alright.”

Phil looks into Dan’s eyes for a moment, he smile inverting itself slightly into a frown. Dan has to force himself not to cry as Phil gets up to leave the room. “Okay.” He opens the door.

“Phil,” Dan croaks out. “You’ve forgotten your tea.”

“Oh, right,” Phil mumbles, retreating to get it. He doesn’t look at Dan.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

  
When Phil arrives back in his room, he feels like...he wants to punch something.Dan is lying to him. He can always tell. Of course, he’s never acted on it. Dan is not his anything. Dan is his friend. He’s a grown man who is allowed to keep things from people, including Phil. It isn’t Phil’s place to know anything Dan doesn’t want him to.

But he’s lying. Dan is obviously not okay, emotionally or physically. Phil heard him crying last night. The last time he’s ever seen Dan cry was at The Fault in our Stars. But this is so much worse than that. Dan is sad. And he won’t even tell Phil why. Something tells him that whatever’s happening to Dan is big. In some way, it’s important. All the pieces are there, just waiting for Phil to put them together. But he refuses to. He won’t let his mind wander to dark places when Dan needs him. If he needs me though, why doesn’t he say anything?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

According to the internet, his disease has three different names. These are Acute Myeloid Leukemia, Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, and Acute Non-Lymphoblastic Leukemia. It also has lots of subtypes. Great, so I don’t even know what I have. Apparently, the only risk factor he had for this form of cancer was “being male.” He sighs. He doesn’t like reading about this at all. Every article is just so...blunt. Not that he expects anything different from medical articles. There’s just an odd realization whilst he’s reading that he’s actually reading about himself. He’s not reading about some random disease he’ll never have any experience with. All of the symptoms, all of the processes that are being described, are happening inside of him. The mere thought is enough to send a shiver down his spine.

And then, another, much more profound realization finds its way into his head. I could die. And it’s true. He could. This is precisely when his imagination takes over. It allows all fact and judgement to be clouded for a moment so that he may witness his absolute worst nightmare in his own mind’s eye. He imagines seeing Phil for the last time. He imagines filming his last video. He imagines dying before he’s ever had the chance to say thank you and goodbye to everyone. He imagines dying in a hospital, away from the familiarity of his room, being poked, prodded, and never truly living in his last moments.

Hastily, Dan snaps back to reality, his mind working quickly to bring the words in front of him back into focus. Although, he is only capable of thinking a single thought in this moment, I am not ready to say goodbye.

But death doesn’t make a habit of letting you prepare, does it? Whilst the solution is not easy, it is most certainly simple. Dan Howell is going to have to elude death. He’s done it before, right? Although, he knows this will be much, much more than one of his silly near-death experiences.

His mind goes back to Phil. I have to tell him. But he doesn’t know how.

Dan sighs and turns to open his bag of medicine. He takes each bottle out, one by one. There are four. Why are there so many? He turns one over, eyeing the directions on the bottle. Take twice daily with food or drink. He looks at another. Take two capsules three times a day. He frowns. He’s so nauseous, but he can only swallow pills with food. He sighs, opening the water bottle sitting on his table. He takes each medicine as directed, swallowing uncomfortably each time. He coughs when he’s done, gulping down the rest of his water in an attempt to ease the uncomfortable feeling in his throat. He’s going to have to get used to this.

  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It’s a few hours later when Dan awakes again. He's been falling in and out of consciousness for a few hours now. Phil knocks on the door. “Dan, are you awake?”

“Hmm, yeah, Phil,” Dan answers. Dan smiles a little as Phil pokes his head in.

“Well, I’ve just rented a movie, I was wondering iif you might want to watch it with me.”

Dan just looks at Phil a moment, trying not to think about how he doesn’t think he could move if he tried. He just feels so tired and weak. He tries to smile. “Yeah, sure, Phil.”

Phil smiles. “I’ll go put it on, then. Come out when you’re ready.”

I can’t do this anymore, Dan thinks. “Phil, wait,” Dan says, hoping that the tears he feels forming won’t present themselves. “I-I……..”

Phil stops, turning to Dan in confusion. “Dan?”

“I can’t do this,” Dan mumbles.

“Do what?” Dan runs his fingers through his hair and takes a deep breath. He pats the space next to him on the bed. It hurts him to see the worry on Phil’s face. Phil takes a seat next to Dan, reaching out to put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Dan?”

“I’ve been lying to you, Phil. I’m sorry. I-I didn’t want to tell you want’s going on because I haven’t even had the time to process it.” Dan pauses, glad that his tears haven’t yet surfaced. “I’m sick.”

Phil looks confused. “You’ll get better, Dan.”

Dan shakes his head, cursing in his mind as the tears begin to well up in his eyes. “I’ve got cancer.”

Phil’s eyes widen. He looks at Dan with disbelief and worry. “Dan...I-I.”

“It’s Leukemia,” Dan says, a tear rolling down his cheek. He wipes his face and draws his knees to his chest, looking up at Phil with stoicism for a moment. “Monday. I have to be at the hospital on Monday. Seven am. I can’t be late.”

“Dan…” Phil moves to hug Dan, but Dan turns away, refusing the comfort of his friend’s embrace. “I want to be left alone,” he whispers. Phil nods, getting up to leave, his body in complete shock.

He pauses for a moment at the door and mumbles, “I need you, Dan.” The door clicks closed behind Phil.

Dan sobs.

The thunder hasn’t stopped. It’s echoing in Dan’s ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi everybody! Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please comment and leave kudos as it really makes my day. I promise there's lots more to come! This story is also on my Wattpad under the name articulaterosepose. Have a wonderful day! :)


	3. Don't Shut Me Out

It's already Sunday, Dan realizes. The time on the computer reads two-seventeen am. He lets out a shaky breath and shuts his laptop. You're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Dan, stop it. Stop doing this to yourself. Sleep, Dan. You know you want to sleep. And he does. He wants to sleep so badly. But he wills his eyes open. He thinks that, perhaps, if he never sleeps, the morning won't ever come. He knows it's childish of him to hope like this, but he can't help it. Dan, just go to sleep. Go to s-- And at last, sleep takes him. He lays there, enveloped in the deepest of slumbers, tears dried to his face. He doesn't dream. He simply rests. And he's grateful for that.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Phil doesn't know what to do with himself after what Dan told him last night. He doesn't have words. He shivers at the thought of Dan having to tell everyone. That will be the hardest. Phil takes a deep breath. Just try to act like everything's normal. For Dan. You can do that for Dan.

He sighs and walks down the hall to Dan's room, lightly knocking on the door. "Dan? Do you want anything to eat? It's almost one."

Phil's heart breaks when he hears a raspy, "Go away," from the other side of the door.

"Dan...you've got to eat something."

"I said, go away." Dan says, sounding like he's about to cry.

 

"Dan, please..."

"Why can't you just leave me alone, Phil?"

A tear rolls down Phil's cheek. He wipes it away quickly. Of course, he knows Dan doesn't mean it. But it doesn't change how bad he feels for Dan. He wants so badly to help. But he can't. Not unless Dan wants it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Shakily, Dan scrolls through his recent calls until he finds the one he's looking for. Mum.

Dan, you have to do it sometime. They're going to find out one way or another. His finger hovers for a painfully long time over the button.

I...can't. A tear rolls down his cheek.

That's odd, I thought I cried all of the tears last night. But then he presses it. The line rings. His heart is pounding. Just as he's wondering what on Earth he's going to say, the worst thing happens. His mother picks up.

"Hello, Daniel!"

"H-hey, Mum," he says, attempting to hide the emotion in his voice.

"Oh, Daniel, it's so nice of you to call."

"M-mum? Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, love."

"I, uh...something's happened. And I don't really know what to do, Mum.

"Dan, you can tell me anything, you know that."

"I-I'm sick."

"What? Are you alright? How are you feeling?"

"N-no, Mum. I....I."

"Is everything alright, Daniel? You sound upset."

"Uh, Mum, a few days ago...I went to the doctor. I'm...very sick."

"Dan, what is it?"

"Mum, I don't want you to worry, alright? I'm going to be fine. I'm sorry I can't tell you this in person.

"Dan...."

"I only found out a few days ago." Dan curses at how emotional he's getting. He has to make her believe he's okay. After all, if he isn't okay, how will his family be? "I-I've got cancer, Mum. I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay, I promise." Dan's heart breaks a little when he hears his mother's sobs on the other end. His voice drops to a small, pathetic whisper. "I'm going to be okay, Mum." I wish I could promise you that.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Phil hears it again. The crying. And as he does, there's a feeling in his chest that he can't get rid of. It hurts. And he hates it. You see, when you're told that someone you care about may die, the words don't register. You see the person in front of you living, breathing, talking. And the thought of never speaking to them again or hearing them laugh...it's unfathomable. You tell yourself that they will never die, they couldn't possibly. And Phil feels guilty for that small part of him wondering, What if Dan dies? What then? How will I live? Then, an even smaller voice whispers, I don't think I can live without Dan.

Phil jerks his head up when he hears the door to Dan's room open. He looks out into the hall in time to see Dan rushing to the bathroom, holding his face in his hands. "Dan?" The bathroom door shuts, and phil can hear the distinct sound of the lock clicking. "Dan, what's wrong?!"

"I'm okay!" Dan yelps. His voice then drops to a whisper that Phil can't make out. "I-I'm okay."

In the bathroom, Dan lets out a moan of frustration, covering his nose with his hands. His shirt is stained red. Dammit. "Please, stop," He takes a wad of toilet paper and presses it to his face. In a few moments it's soaked red. "Why won't it stop?"

Phil presses his ear to the door. "Dan, what's happening?"

"I'm okay, Phil, it's fine." Dan pauses for a moment and then sighs. "I-I've got a nosebleed."

"Are you alright?"

"It won't stop, Phil."

"Will you open the door?"

"I don't want to."

Phil sighs. "Please?" He hears the lock click, and turns the handle to reveal Dan kneeling by the toilet, his shirt soiled in his own blood.

"It's stopped, now," is all that Dan can say. And Phil just hugs him.

"I just want things to be normal again," Dan whispers. "I don't want to be sick, Phil."

"I know you don't."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Phil sits on the edge of Dan's bed. "I'm meant to be editing."

Dan nods. "I know. You can go, I'll be fine."

Phil looks up at Dan. "I wish you would stop saying that. You're not fine, Dan."

"Don't worry about me."

"You can't just expect me to sit around and pretend like everything is fine."

"Well, try. Can't you do that?" Dan lets out a shaky breath. "Tomorrow, everything changes for me. I need something to stay the same. Please, Phil, don't treat me like I have cancer. Treat me like I'm Dan."

Phil nods. "And what about everyone else? PJ, Louise, Chris, Felix?

"I don't know, Phil. I'm just tired."

"If you need anythin--"

"I know." Dan sighs. He isn't ready for tomorrow. He isn't ready to start treatment. He isn't ready to accept what's happening to him. He runs his fingers through his hair. "You can go, now. It's okay."

Phil just stands there a moment. I don't ever want to go, Dan. "O-okay, if that's what y--"

Dan gulps. "It is."

"Don't shut me out, Dan," Phil mumbles.

Dan hears him. He thinks he would cry if he wasn't so exhausted. "I just want to be okay," is all Dan can manage to say. He winces when the door clicks shut as Phil leaves. "I just want to be okay, he repeats." This time, it's just to himself.

He opens his laptop and searches "chemotherapy for aml." There's a small voice inside his head whispering. Don't do this to yourself. But he ignores it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Phil sits in front of his computer, irritated. He's looking at his cheerful self talk about nonsense on the screen. This was before he knew about Dan. It doesn't feel right to watch himself act so happy. Not when Dan may die. He's not going to die.

He's not going to die.

He's not going to die.

But what if he does? 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. I'm so sorry it's been so long since the last update. I've had a lot of things going on at school. Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed it! I will try to update weekly. (Don't hold me to that.)


	4. UPDATE

Hi everyone! I apologize for not posting last week. Everything at school is hectic with end of the year testing. The next chapter will go up tomorrow.  
In the meantime, I made this nifty 'lil trailer for this story! (I promise you it isn't crappy. I actually spent weeks on this :P)

Go [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQV2dSNv190)  
to give it a watch!

(and yes, the link WILL work, if not I'll paste the youtube link also.)

Have a wonderful day! :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQV2dSNv190


	5. It Gets Worse

“Do you want me to stay with you when you go?”

This seems to arouse Dan from his own torturous thoughts for a moment. He looks up at Phil and grips the edge of his bed. “You don’t have to do that. I-I’ll be fine.”

“But I want to.”  
How do I explain this to him? Dan wonders. As much as he wants Phil by his side, he knows it’s better if he isn’t. Why should Phil have to see him in pain? Why should Phil have to remember him as anything other than the way he is now. I can’t tran  
Phil’s face falls and he envelops Dan in a warm embrace. “Why didn’t you just tell me, Dan? I would have been there for you. I am here for you.” Dan pulls away.

“Phil, I’ve been lying to you, do you know that? All those times in the past few weeks when I was just ‘just out.’ I’ve been at the hospital.” Dan feels as if he may cry again. Luckily, no tears surface. He’s just exhausted. ”And I know you never wanted to ask. I-I thought...it was nothing, I really did.”  
He pulls down his waistband to show reveal the scar on his hip. “The took my bone marrow. It was loads of fun, I recommend it.” 

 

“Dan..I’m…You did that alone?”

Dan just looks up at Phil. “I was originally going to have to have some sort of ‘port’ put in my chest for the chemo. But I, uh, I didn’t want the scar. They said that since I’m young, there’s a good change my veins will hold up. So, I’m getting it through an IV.” Dan gulps and stares at the ground. He’s just sort of...solemn. He’s run out of energy to cry. He’s hollow. “There were so many tests, Phil. And the whole time, all I could bring myself to think was that I wanted to go home. I just wanted to go home.”

Phil looks solemnly at Dan. “If you don’t want me to, Dan, I won’t go.”

Dan nods absently.”It’s supposed to be better if someone’s with me.” Is all Dan says before walking through the door of his bedroom, leaving Phil to helplessly follow. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

The waiting is what kills Dan. They have to get his treatment ready. He has to wait. Phil is by his side, and he’s grateful for that. The room is silent, and it’s driving Dan insane. He tries to distract himself with his phone, but it’s to no avail. 

Phil wants desperately to say something to Dan, anything. But he knows that nothing he says will make Dan feel any better. Phil rests his arm next to Dan’s on the armrest. Phil frowns a little when Dan flinches at his touch. 

But then something odd happens, Dan’s fingers find Phil’s hand. Dan lazily rests his hand on top of Phil’s, letting out a small shudder. “Thank you,” Dan whispers.

Before Phil can even fathom a response, they are interrupted by the sound of a nurse’s voice. “Daniel Howell?” Dan raises his hand slightly. “We’re ready for you.” Dan gives a small nod. He’s afraid.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

Dan feels like he wants to cry again. Not because he’s sad. He feels helpless. And that’s exactly what he is. He looks over at the IV in his hand. He looks at the eerie yellow liquid seeping into his veins and thinks about what it will undoubtedly do to him. 

Phil is sitting quietly next to Dan. He’s too afraid to say anything.

Dan looks around the room. There’s a few other patients. They’re all sitting solemnly with a family member or two in the large chemotherapy chairs. Then he looks next to him. There’s a girl. He can’t help but notice that she’s the only one who’s alone. She notices his gaze and he whips his head in the other direction.

Dan wishes that the hospital didn’t feel so...sterile. Everything is pristine and white. And he hates it. Without thinking, Dan rests his hand on top of Phil’s. It makes him feel slightly better. Phil looks up and into Dan’s eyes with his beautiful bluish ones and gives his friend a reassuring look. 

It doesn’t fool Dan though. He can see the sadness hidden behind Phil’s gaze. “I’m gonna be fine, Phil.” Phil nods.

“You’re going to be fine,” he repeats. 

After a few minutes of excruciating silence, Phil’s phone rings. He looks at it. “It’s Chris.” Dan nods, but Phil raises his eyebrows. “No, oh, I was supposed to meet him today! To be in a video.”  
“You can go, Phil, it’s fine.”

“B-but. I’ll just say something came up a-and--”

“Phil, just go,” Dan says, sighing.

“Dan, I’m not going.”

“But--”

“It doesn’t matter. Chris can wait. Right now, you’re most important.”

Dan sighs and closes his eyes.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

After awaking from his short nap, Dan realizes that Phil is gone. And as this realization hits him, he hears a voice. After turning his head, he realizes that it was the girl he saw before.

“Your boyfriend went to get something to eat,” she says.

Dan turns a deep shade of red. “H-he’s n-not my… He’s my friend.”

The girl raises her eyebrows and lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Dan smiles at her. “It’s okay.”

She pauses. “First time?”

It takes Dan a second to realize she’s talking about the chemo. “Yeah.”

“It gets worse.”

“How reassuring.” Dan says bitterly. 

“I’m just being honest,” she says. “That’s better than the nurses here will do.”

“Well, uh, thanks, I guess.”

“I’m Amy,” she says.

“Dan.”

“I know the patients don’t usually talk to each other during treatment. I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward.”

Dan smiles. “Not at all.”

Amy smiles. “Good. I’m just, kinda going insane from all of the silence. Usually, someone’s with me.”

“Oh,” is the only thing Dan can think to say, his smile diminishing.

“You don’t have to feel sorry for me,” she says with a sigh.

“I-I wasn’t--”

“Yes, you were. And it’s okay.”

Dan instantly feels bad, but before he can speak, Phil comes back into the room. “Hey, Phil,” Dan says with a groggy smile.

“I brought food,” Phil says proudly, holding up two bags of crisps. 

Dan chuckles. “Thanks, Phil.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” is all he can say.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/RAWR\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

When Dan gets home from the hospital, he’s exhausted. But he can’t rest yet. No, he has something to do. He rushes to the bathroom and searches in the cabinets for something he knows is there somewhere. At last, his hand grips it. 

It’s the electric razor. He lets out a sad sigh. His hair has defined part of him for so long. 

He turns it on and raises it up to his head. But he hesitates. He can’t do it. “Phil!” he calls. “Phil, come here, I’m in the bathroom!”

After a few moments, there is a light knock on the door followed by Phil poking his head in. When he sees the razor in Dan’s hands, his eyebrows raise.

“Dan…”

Dan smiles at Phil and hold the instrument out to him. “Help me.” After what seems like ages, Phil just nods. When Phil has the razor up to the back of Dan’s head, he hesitates. “It’s okay, Phil,” Dan assures him.

And a few minutes later, Dan’s hair is just a pile on the bathroom floor.


	6. I'm Not Hungry

When Dan awakes the next morning to use the bathroom, he does a double take when passing the mirror. Oh, right. He sighs and rubs his head. This is going to take some getting used to. 

 

He goes back into his room, rummaging through his messy closet for something to put on his head. In the very back corner, his hand clasps around something. Dan pulls a black beanie from the depths of his closet.  _ Good enough.  _ He places it on his head and goes into the kitchen where Phil is already awake and making a bowl of cereal.

 

Dan mumbles a half-hearted, “G’morning,” before getting a glass from the cupboard. He fills it with water and sits down in front of the television.

 

“Don’t you want something to eat, Dan?” Phil questions, a hint of worry in his voice.

 

“No,” he says. “Not hungry.”

 

“But you’re always hungry in the mornings,” Phil mumbles to himself, as he sits next to Dan on the sofa. They put on the anime and Phil can’t help but be thrown off by the fact that Dan has said three words to him all morning. “Do you want me to get you anything?” Phil asks quietly when they’re about ten minutes into the show.

 

“I told you, I’m not hungry,” Dan says, a bit frustrated now.

 

“But you haven’t eaten since--”

 

“I’ll eat later, Phil, okay?” 

 

“Then let’s go out for lunch,” Phil suggests. “It can just be to Starbucks, but Dan, you’ve barely been anywhere except the flat all week.”

 

“Maybe I like it that way.”

 

Phil gapes at Dan a moment. “Please?”

 

And Dan has no idea what possesses him to say, “Okay.” Perhaps it’s the adorable, hopeful look in Phil’s eyes. “But later,” he says. It does nothing to abate the smile Phil gives him.

 

_____________________________

 

Phil looks up from his computer when his phone dings. He looks at the lock screen. It’s from Dan. 

 

**Dan:** Phil

 

**Phil:** What

 

**Dan:** Do you think

**Dan:** That i should have waited to shave my head

 

**Phil:** I think that now you’ll have to explain yourself

 

**Phil:** But i’m proud of you for deciding to do it so early

 

**Dan:** It feels weird

 

**Dan:** My head

 

**Phil:** You’ll get used to it

 

**Dan:** Maybe

 

**Dan:** Everything is terrible

 

**Phil:** Not everything

 

**Dan:** It seems that way

 

**Phil:** I know

 

**_Dan is typing…_ **

 

**Dan:** I need you

 

**Dan:** I can’t do any of this without you

 

**Dan:** Sometimes I wonder why you put up with me

 

The answer to this comes to Phil instantly, naturally.  _ Because I love you. _

 

**Phil:** You’re my best friend

 

____________________________________

  
  
  


About an hour later, Phil knocks on Dan’s door. Dan groans in response. “What is it?” he questions. “I was sleeping.”

 

“You’re always sleeping, Dan.”

 

“Yeah, well being awake just isn’t fun anymore.” He’s only slightly joking.

 

“C’mon, get up. We’re going outside. To eat.”

 

“But--”

 

“No buts!” Phil insists. “You already agreed.”

 

“I don't want to eat anything, Phil, you don't understand.”

 

Phil sighs. “Will you please just come?” He hears Dan roll out of bed with a groan. The door opens.

 

“Fine,” he says. “I'll go get dressed. Phil grins, and Dan can't help but smile at how happy his friend is.

 

_________________________________________

 

It’s windy outside. Dan pulls his beanie down over his ears and crosses his arms over his chest. “Where are we even going?” Dan asks incredulously. 

 

“To a cafe.” Phil says simply, his hands in his pockets. “You haven’t been there before, but I have. It’s nice. There’s good food.”

 

Dan groans inwardly at the thought of even  _ attempting _ to ingest anything at the moment. He sighs. “O-okay.” he mutters under his breath.

 

It begins to rain and by the time they reach the restaurant, Dan’s hat is soaking wet. He almost feels like crying, but he won’t do that around Phil. Dan reaches for the wet piece of fabric covering his head, and rips it off. He wrings it out a bit before putting it back over his head.

 

Phil looks over at his friend worriedly once they enter the cafe. The bell on the door is still resonating when they sit down in the booth.

 

“You know you don’t have to wear that thing, right? We’re inside.”

 

Dan looks at his shoes. “I like to wear it.” He pulls the hat down a bit  just to spite Phil.

 

Phil sighs. “What are you going to order?”

 

Dan frowns at the menu, trying to look for something, anything that won’t make him sick.  _  I don’t want anything. _ “A salad, I suppose.”

 

“That’s it?” Phil frowns.

 

Dan nods. He stares at his phone for the next few minutes, not wanting to see Phil’s worried look anymore.

 

“Dan, will you look at me?” 

 

Before Dan can think how to answer, the waitress comes by with their food. “Okay, a salad and a club sandwich.” She smiles and looks at Dan. “Would you like me to refill your water?” She obliges when he nods absently. He still hasn’t looked up.

 

“Dan,” Phil insists once the waitress leaves.

 

“What?!” Dan asks, raising his voice. He takes a few breaths. “What?” he says again, this time much quieter.

 

“I’m just worried about you.”

 

“I know,” Dan says. “And I don’t want you to be.” He hesitantly takes a few bites of the salad. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

 

________________________________________

 

Dan feels genuinely surprised that he’s been able to finish his food. “Are you ready to go?” Phil asks.

 

Dan nods, but then he gets a familiar feeling in his stomach. “No, no, no,” he mumbles. 

 

“Dan, are you alright?”

 

Dan ignores Phil and runs to the back of the restaurant. He charges toward the toilets and locks himself in a stall

 

Phil gets up and runs after him, he immediately feels bad when he hears the sound of Dan vomiting.  _ He told me he didn’t want to eat anything. _

 

“Dan?”

“Go away, Phil,” Dan breathes, he continues to vomit.

 

“No.”

 

Dan stops when there’s nothing left in his stomach. He leans against to toilet and starts to cry.

 

Phil knocks on the door. “Dan, open up.”

 

“No.”

 

“Dan, please.”

 

Phil sighs with relief when he hears the lock on the door click. He opens it and sits down next to Dan on the floor of the toilet.

 

“I just want to be okay.” Dan says.

 

“You will be.”

  
Dan rests his head on Phil’s shoulder.  _ “ _ I hope so,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! The fic is officially back from the war. I mean hiatus. Soz about that. I would give you excuses but they would all be crap. Please comment and vote if you liked the chapter/care about my happiness.


	7. Part of the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What's this? Do my eyes deceive me? Is this an...update? ;-; Don't look so surprised, guys. ;-;

Dan awakes with a dull ache in the back of his skull. He groans and attempts to get up. That proved to be a bad idea. Within seconds of becoming upright, his vision blurs and the room begins to spin. 

 

Dan clutches onto the wall for support, but it does little to prevent his inevitable fall into his bedside table. The lamp topples over onto the ground. 

 

“Dan?!” Phil rushes into the room. “Dan!” Phil helps him to his feet and sits him on the bed. Dan lets out a little moan of pain.

 

“Ow,” he manages.

 

“What happened?” Phil’s brow knits into worry.

 

Dan rubs his eyes. “I-I got up too quickly, that’s all. I’ll probably have a bruise from that table though,” he chuckles. Phil’s expression doesn’t falter. “Phil, I’m  _ fine _ . I just got  bit dizzy is all.”

 

After staring at Dan for a few moments, Phil’s face softens and he nods. “Dan, uh,” Phil begins, looking uncomfortable. “Have you looked at Twitter today yet?”

 

“No, I just woke up.”  Phil sighs with relief and Dan narrows his eyes. “Why?”

 

“I-it’s nothing.” 

 

“Well if it was nothing you wouldn’t have brought it up. What’s wrong?”

 

Phil scratches the back of his neck. “Uhm, when we went out together yesterday…” Phil winces at the expectant expression on Dan’s face. “There’s, um, there’s a picture of us…”

 

Dan laughs. “What? Our hands were close to each other and they made it look like we were holding hands? Phil, you can’t let stuff like that bother you.”

 

“N-no, that’s not it. Y-you...had your hat off.”

 

Dan’s eyes widen. “No, no, no. God I am so stupid. Why did I do that? Why did I shave my head?!” He knocks a few things off the nightstand in anger.

 

“Dan, it was a brave decision, alright?”

 

“No, Phil, it was a stupid one! You know that, and I know that!” He bangs his fists against the wall. “And what am I supposed to tell them?” 

 

“I…”

 

“I can’t  _ lie,  _ Phil! And I can’t film! What the hell is wrong with me?” Dan sobs and unlocks his phone. He scrolls through his @ mentions which only upsets him more.

 

“Phil, what do I say?”

“The truth?”

 

“It’s only been a few weeks ince I found out”

 

“Part of the truth then.”

 

Dan nods and shakily writes a new tweet. 

 

**@danisnotonfire tweeted:** _ Yes, okay. I shaved my head.  _

 

Phil looks at his phone. “They’ll want answers.”

 

“I know, Phil,” he sighs. “I know.” Dan lays down on the bed and puts his face in his hands. “I’m so stupid.”

 

“No, you’re not.” Phil watches with worried eyes as Dan turns on his side and draws his knees to his chest.

 

“Leave me alone,” Dan whimpers.

 

“Dan…” 

 

“I said, go away.” He pulls the beanie down over his eyes. “Shut the door behind you.”

 

___________________________________

 

**@AmazingPhil tweeted:** _ We’d appreciate it if you stopped freaking out over Dan’s hair. :/ ... or lack therof _

 

**@danisnotonfire tweeted:** _ New danisnotonfire video tomorrow _

Phil gapes at the tweet and texts Dan immediately.

 

**Phil:** What are you doing

 

**Dan:** Don’t worry about it

 

**Dan:** I’m going to film a new video. Everything will continue normally. 

 

**Phil:** But your hair.

**Dan:** Hopefully they aren’t subbed for the hair. Because i don’t know when it’s coming back

 

Dan puts his phone down and takes a deep breath. He reaches up to fix his ha--.  _  Oh, right.  _ He fastens the hat over his head.

 

Dan sets up the tripod and microphone, and he turns on the bright box lights. He hesitates before pressing record on the camera.

 

“Hello Internet! Today I--” Dan jumps at the sound of his phone ringing. His hand shakes as he answers it. 

 

“H-hello?”

 

“Hello, this is Doctor Reynolds, is this Mr. Howell?”

 

“Uh, y-yes, this is him.”

 

“Well, not the best news, I’m afraid.”

 

“Uh, okay…”

 

“We aren’t pleased with the way you’ve been responding to your treatment.”

 

Dan’s face falls. “And, what does that mean, exactly?”

 

“We want to admit you to the hospital so you can receive a more rigorous chemotherapy treatment.”

 

His breath catches and he struggles out the next few words. “When will this be?”

 

“As soon as possible, Mr. Howell. Monday.”

 

“A-alright.” He lets a shaky sigh escape his lips and hangs up the phone. It might be rude, but he’s not in any mood to exchange useless pleasantries. Dan wants to scream, but he won’t. It would worry Phil and that’s the last thing he wants. 

 

Dan stares ahead for a moment before he realizes that the camera has been recording the whole time. He shuts it off and unscrews the camera from the tripod, tossing it on the bed. 

 

He collapses onto his bed and buries himself in his duvet. “Hello, Internet,” he mocks himself. “I’m Dan. And today,” his voice breaks and drops to a whisper. “And today….I have cancer.”

 

It feels wrong hearing those words come out of his mouth. It’s almost like he’s telling a lie. Only if all of this was a lie. A dream that he can wake up from tomorrow.

 

He used to have nice dreams.

 

Dan screams into his pillow. 

 

______________

 

“Dan?” Phil calls. “Dan, did you fall asleep again?”

 

Phil knocks on the door. After a moment of silence he peers into Dan’s room to see that his suspicions were correct/ He’s asleep, lying with his limbs strewn h=out on the bed. His blanket is falling off the bed, only cover part of his right leg. 

Phil tiptoes in folds up the tripod and puts it on Dan’s desk along with the camera that had fallen off the bed. Dan lets a little noise escape from his lips. “Mm.” It makes Phil jump. Dan whines a little when the blanket falls completely off the bed.

 

Phil frowns. He puts the blanket over Dan and the younger man immediately curls into it. Dan makes another noise “Hm?” That’s when he realizes that the pillow is on the floor, too. He reaches for it and taps dan on the shoulder. “Dan? Lift your head.” When he receives no response, he lifts Dan’s head slightly and slides the pillow underneath it.

 

Dan’s eyes flutter open for a moment, but Phil doesn’t think he’s  awake. That’s why he’s surprised when Dan grabs his arm. “What?” Dan asks, opening his eyes wide. He seems startled. “Phil?” Dan lets go of his friend’s arm and rubs his eyes. He sits up.

 

“Go back to sleep, it’s okay,” Phil says. At this, Dan relaxes back into his spot on the bed. Phil pulls the blanket further up on Dan’s chest. 

 

“What time is it?” Dan yawns. 

 

“It’s ten. You should sleep.”

  
Dan nods and closes his eyes again. Phil turns off the light. “G’night Dan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize blah et cetera. Yes I know, this fic is depressing. Also, I could have updated yesterday...(notreally) but I considered it an international holiday due to the birth of DJ Howell. If you don't know what that is, how are you reading this? Because you probably don't have internet.
> 
> Anyway guys please comment and leave lotsa kudos if you liked it because of my fragile self esteem. 
> 
> (0-0) Don't you want me to be a happy bean? No? okay... :'(


	8. Hospital Corridors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: I'm not gonna apologize anymore because you probably don't care. That's fine. Here's the chapter. Enjoy.

 

“I’ll give it to him, thanks,” Dan here’s just as he’s awaking. Something feels different. His covers, they aren’t as soft. This doesn’t feel like his bed. His eyes flutter open and he’s greeted with the familiar bright white light and sterility of a hospital room, His heart monitor beeps steadily. Now he remembers.

 

“Hi,” Phil says softly, lifting his eyes from his laptop. “You were asleep for a while.” He’s holding  a small cup which Dan assumes contains his pills. “The nurse was just here, you have to take these. I brought you some snacks, too. Are you feeling okay?”

 

Dan smiles gratefully and rips open the bag of cookies that Phil gives him. “I feel alright.” He takes a bite of  one and tilts the cup into his mouth, swallowing the pills and the cookie together. He finishes off his snack to make everything go down easily. Phil hands him some water. “Are you editing something?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Phil says, showing Dan the screen. “Just a vlog.”

 

“How’s it coming?”

 

“Almost done.”

 

“They’re worried about me,” Dan says. “I mean, they’re sort of right to be, but I-I can’t…”

 

Phil sets his laptop aside and puts a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Dan.”

 

“No! They’ll keep asking questions and in the next video...oh god, I can’t do this.”

 

Phil pulls Dan into as much of a hug as possible while not disturbing any of the devices attached to him. “We’ll get through this. I promise you.”

 

“How long have you been here, Phil?” Dan asks, breaking the hug.

 

Phil shrugs. “Few hours?”

 

“Go home.”

 

“Can’t make me.”

 

Dan narrows his eyes. “Go.  _ Home. _ ”

 

“What?” Phil says, “I’ve got my laptop, my pyjamas, there’s good wifi here, I brought some fuzzy slippers.” He pauses. “Got my best friend. What more could a boy want?”

 

Dan grins reaches upwards to adjust his hat when he realises it isn’t there. “Where did it go?”

 

“It’s right here.” Phil reaches next to him and hands it to Dan who snatches his and shoves it on his head. 

 

“You don’t need to wear that,” Phil reminds him, frowning.

 

“No one wants to see me bald. Including me.”

 

“No one minds, Dan. You should see all of the encouraging posts and twe--”

 

“ _ I  _ care. And I don’t want to take the hat off, end of story.” Phil nods carefully.

 

A nurse walks in. “Dan? It’s time for your treatment.” Dan gives Phil a look of dread as the woman hooks up a bag to his IV.

 

Dan clears his throat. “Uh, c-can I walk around a bit? With the IV.”

 

The nurse, Janice, her nametag said, tilts her head. “I don’t see why not as long as you’re feeling up to it. You should stay in the ward, though.”

 

“Oh, and uh, how long will I be in the hospital?”

 

“You’re receiving high dose chemotherapy. Usually that warrants a few weeks’ stay in the hospital.” Dan gives her a nervous nod. She leaves, attempting to give them both a reassuring smile.

 

“How am I gonna make videos, Phil?”

 

“It’ll be okay for a few weeks. We already filmed a gaming video. I’ll edit it, don’t worry. They’ll be fine.”

 

“I hate this. I hate this, I hate this.”

 

“I--”

 

“Don’t say anything, Phil.”

 

Dan pulls down his covers and swings his legs over the side of the bed. Phil jumps up immediately to assist him. “I can do it!” Dan snaps, and Phil raises his hands in surrender, watching as his friend uses the bed frame to push himself upright. 

 

“Okay?” Phil asks. Dan gives him a slight nod. He grabs tightly onto his IV pole. 

Hospitals are generally pretty depressing, but there’s just something even more depressing about the cancer ward. All of the people, withering away. The thought makes Dan shudder. 

 

He walks through the halls at a slow pace, Phil by his side. “You’ll have to go home at some point,” Dan reminds him. 

 

“I know,” Phil sighs, “But I don’t want to leave you.”

 

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me.” Dan attempts to assure him. “You’ve been here for too long. Go home, take a shower, get some fresh air. Phil. Please.”

 

“Okay, we’ll walk back to the room and I’ll--”

 

“No, I want to walk around a bit more. Go on, I’ll be fine.” After a few moments. Phil yawns and nods. 

 

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” he promises. 

 

“Okay,” Dan says, and he watches Phil disappear down the hall.

 

Dan sits there for a few minutes, watching the people pass him by. Patients, nurses, doctors. He raises his eyebrows when a familiar face passes. “A-amy?” Dan croaks out, his voice has been hoarse all morning. He tilts his head at her.

 

She pauses at his voice. “Dan?” she says, smiling. He pats the space next to him on the bench and she sits down, her IV next to her. Dan notes that it isn’t a chemo bag, however. “They admitted you?” Amy asked, her initial happy expression replaced with a frown.

 

“Uh, yeah, t-they said they didn’t like the way I was responding to the initial treatment and are giving me a different drug. They, uh, want to monitor me.”

 

“How long?”

 

“Few weeks,” he says, letting out a bitter laugh. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she says. 

 

“I-It’s fine, I’m okay.”

 

“I see you shaved your head,” Amy says in what she believes to be the most horrible way to change the subject. Dan pulls his hat down instinctively. “It’s better that way, trust me,” she assures him. “I used to have the longest hair and then I woke up to it in clumps on my pillow. It isn’t something you want to experience.”

 

Dan nods. “And why’re you here?” he asks.

 

“Oh, complications, the usual,” she says nonchalantly. “I’m usually fine don’t worry.”

 

“What a cheerful ward,” Dan says sarcastically.

 

“Ha, yeah,” Amy says. “I mean, you get used to it. Not that that’s a good thing.”

 

“Right,” Dan says, sighing. 

 

“Well, I best be off,” Amy says. “It was nice to see you again.”

 

“I’m in room 203...if you want to visit sometime,” Dan says hesitantly.  _ C’mon, Dan, it’ll be good for you to make some hospital buddies. _

 

“Okay, will do.” she smiles. “Goodbye Dan.” She leaves him to brood alone on the bench. 

 

After a few moments, he gets up, bracing down on the bench for support. Within a few moments of being upright, however, his vision starts to blur. He blinks but it does nothing to help. It feels like he’s spinning. “No,” he manages. He hears a faint shout before everything turns dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: "Another cliffhanger, rosalie?" yes because why not it's not like many people even made it this far in the story lol. I'm not going to apologize anymore. 
> 
> If you feel like making me smile please comment and leave kudos. You know, or don't.


	9. Author's Note

Hey guys! I haven't forgotten about you. I've just been really busy with school and I do promise to write more soon (assuming you care). I do have an announcement, though. I'm going to be rewriting this story. It won't be completely different, I just don't like that I made the decision for Dan to shave his head so early. So I do recommend if you're not new, do reread it, please.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone! I know this chapter is a bit short, but I promise there is lots more to come! Don't forget to comment and leave kudos and all of that fun stuff because it really makes my day. (And I've never gotten a comment on AO3 so let's see if you can be the first one.) Thanks so much for reading! This story is also on my Wattpad under my name [articulaterosepose ](http://www.wattpad.com/user/articulaterosepose)  
> . Have a wonderful day! :)
> 
> You can go [here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/66298601-i%27m-still-here)  
> to see the story on wattpad (and its cover.)


End file.
